When Binky Met Squish
by duchess-missy
Summary: Started off as a strange story told to a friend on msn. We get a Death visit, a bunny named squish, a bored author and a protagonist called Jypsi. Welcome to hell:P Have a nice day. Rated M for swearing, mentions of a sexual nature and it's pure nonsense
1. Squish, Missy and Death

Okay this _thing _started off because A)Jypsi had gone to put her Bunny to bed B) She was taking a long time to do the previously mentioned C) I was in such a state of boredom you couldn't believe and D) It's actually a lot of fun typing on a laptop.

DISCLAIMER – I do not own Jypsi (damn that would be fun) or her house which has been given the luxury of being a two storey for the purpose of this... thing. Oh and yeah I do not any of the Discworld characters mention here after. Though that would be pretty fun too.

A/N Jypsi has started her own version that kinda goes with this in a muddled way and is much more interesting than mine so you should read it! It's called "I'm Incognito".

* * *

Once Squish, the bunny, was safely nesting in her pen Jypsi decided not to stay in her room to see why the MSN conversation window with Missy was flashing wildly at her. She ducked back out onto the cool landing and drifted downstairs to the repeating "DING A LING' sound that was echoing downstairs from Missy's constant attempts to get her attention. Upon entering the dark living room Jypsi stopped. Sitting on her favourite chair was Death – as in THE DISCWORLD DEATH with the black and the scythe with an Albert too finishing the whole attire. 

HELLO JYPSI  
Jypsi twitched  
I SEE YOU ARE QUITE FOND OF ME, WHY IS THAT?  
She watched as Albert whispered something into Death's ear. Well where a normal ear should be as he didn't really have ears being a skeleton and all.  
WAIT... ALBERT SAYS YOU LOOKING FOR A GOOD SHAG, IS THAT A TYPE OF RUG?  
All she could manage was another violent twitch and flushing a peach colour. Thus blending with her red hair made her look quite interesting indeed. Upon writing this Jypsi turned towards this author and remarked happily, "I look interesting do I? Cool"  
Remember reader I said "interesting" not "cool". Jypsi huffed and made a mental note to stab author while turning her attention back to Death – twitching once more.  
I DONT HAVE ANY RUGS SORRY  
"Umm that's OK" she managed.  
WOULD YOU LIKE A COOKIE? I HAVE COOKIES BUT NO RUGS  
Unfortunately for our dear protagonist Albert was scoffing them down.  
OH DEAR IT SEEMS ALBERT HAS EATEN IT  
"Nom nom nom..." said Albert  
Death turned his head to look at the clock on the wall behind Jypsi.  
OH I MUST GO NOW TO SEE SUSAN, GOODBYE ROUNDWORLD DWELLER

And so both he and Albert disappeared into the nothingness as Jypsi slowly sat down thinking how strange everything had gotten. She was also very exhilarated at seeing Death and of course nearly on the brink of peeing herself in fright.

* * *

First chapter of this thing Please don't kill me Jypsi - I LUFF YOU! 

A/N When this is done I will post the original muahahaha now that willmake you cringe:D


	2. Afternoon Tea

Okay this _thing _started off because A)Jypsi had gone to put her Bunny to bed B) She was taking a long time to do the previously mentioned C) I was in such a state of boredom you couldn't believe and D) It's actually a lot of fun typing on a laptop.

DISCLAIMER – I do not own Jypsi (damn that would be fun) or her house which has been given the luxury of being a two storey for the purpose of this... thing. Oh and yeah I do not any of the Discworld characters mention here after. Though that would be pretty fun too.

A/N Jypsi has started her own version that kinda goes with this in a muddled way and is much more interesting than mine so you should read it! It's called "I'm Incognito".

* * *

Pondering in deep silence Jypsi was unaware of the small clink that came from a somebody entering the room. A few seconds later there was tinkle as this somebody tiptoed further into the room. 

"BANG!"

Jypsi lifted her head with a snap as she turned to see who had knocked over the DVD shelf. She couldn't quite see very well as squinted through the darkness but she heard a audible, "Damn."

She heard some fumbling and then the stranger switched on a lamp. It was men dressed very oddly with a pointy hat.

"You didn't see me!" whispered Mr Sideney.

Jypsi looked at him thoughtfully, "You're a wizard..."

"No I'm not," he replied in hushed tones, "I'm Incognito."

Due to the fact that the wizard was whispering and that the silence of a dark room at midnight can actually be quite deafening, Jypsi couldn't here a word he said.

"Pardon? I didn't quite catch that?"

Sideney looked around surreptitiously, "I AM IN-COG-NEE-TOE"

Jypsi looked puzzled at him, "You have a cog in your toe?"

Mr Sideney huffed like the disgruntled failed wizard he was and moved closer to Jypsi

"I am incognito," he said clearly.

Jypsi's face suddenly brightened, "INCOGNITO!!!!!" and she leaped like a flying squirrel onto poor Mr Sideney.

"ARGHHHHH GET OFF ME PLEASE!"

"INCOGNITO!!!"

There was a sudden crunch of Jypsi crashing Mr Sideney into another set DVD's. You see dear reader our protagonist has a little obsession with Mr Incognito over here. The joy in her little head is unbelievable. I mean – imagine meeting two of your favourite Discworld characters in one night? Overwhelming really.  
One second happy clinging to Mr Sidney the next second sitting in a heap as her wizard is taken from her.

Author sings, "Dun, dun dunnnnn!"

"YOU!" Jypsi screams, a shaking finger pointing at Mr 4 o'clock in the afternoon.

"Hi, my name is Tee-ah-tim-ee what's yours?" The lunatic asks in a merry tone.

"Well MY NAME is Jypsi and your supposed to be _dead_!" Jypsi says horrified though secretly thinking he is _kinda_ cute in a cute/weird way of course. I mean it's Teatime – geez.

Our protagonist who still has yet to do something protagonist like begins to open her mouth but stops as Afternoon Tea answered her un-asked question.

"I would explain how I am alive but it is too complicated and quite tedious ... hehehehe. You should just read a fan fiction with me and Susan in it to find out one way... hehehe"

Suddenly Banjo appeared.

"Hai!" he said.

Teatime punched Banjo with one strong blow to the head.

"Bye," Teatime replied.

So as Banjo lay on the floor and Mr Sideney stood in the corner trying to look "incognito", Jypsi pulled out a poker very ready to kill Mr Teatime - again. We don't exactly know where the poker came from but as I am the author of this _thing_ and it's a fantasy story we shall leave it at that.

Moving On.

Jypsi lunged forward but 4 o'clock in the afternoon was too quick. He disappeared into thin air before another second had past for Jypsi to even process another thought. He had grabbed her waist from behind and did something horrible. Correct! He had his shiny dagger against her throat at the ready - did you think it was gonna be nasssssty?! ... Dirty children tsk tsk. Like Death he disappeared with Jypsi in his grasp as Mr Sideney stood still in the corner and Banjo lay on the floor.

* * *

To be continued... 

Maybe...

DUN DUN DUNNNNN


	3. Curiouser and Curioser, said Alice

Okay this _thing _started off because A)Jypsi had gone to put her Bunny to bed B) She was taking a long time to do the previously mentioned C) I was in such a state of boredom you couldn't believe and D) It's actually a lot of fun typing on a laptop.

DISCLAIMER – I do not own Jypsi (damn that would be fun) or her house which has been given the luxury of being a two storey for the purpose of this... thing. Oh and yeah I do not any of the Discworld characters mention here after. Though that would be pretty fun too.

A/N Jypsi has started her own version that kinda goes with this in a muddled way and is much more interesting than mine so you should read it! It's called "I'm Incognito".

* * *

Okay where were we? Ah yes our little protagonist has been taken away by Mr Teatime while Mr Sideney and Banjo are left out of the plot for now. 

Taking in her new surroundings, Jypsi thought. She had thought that when one girl is taken away in movies the place they are held is to be utterly disgusting and highly unhygienic. True, it was that Jonathan Teatime was a very strange man she still thought that he would at least abide to the Antagonist Guild Lines. She was grateful he hadn't but it still was a disappointed in her teenage muddled head. Thinking again she thought if there even was such a thing as Antagonist Guild Lines. Then again she was in the Discworld which seemed to have everything – there might even be a Guild. And if there was a Guild for Antagonists then there should be a Protagonist Guild! Or even to think further a Sidekick Guild, a Damsel in Distress Guild?

"Hah!" she thought, smiling. Imagine that – young girls actually train to be complete "Mary Sue's". Wearing things in shades of pink with bouncy locks, speaking with high pitched voices and claiming to be a princess. Gahhhhh.

Anyway the point was that her room was actually a room. It seemed Teatime had actually tried to make her comfy. It was filled with neat drawers, a sensible bed and a bathroom. Also she wasn't actually locked in it and was free to roam about was seemed to be a house. A normal and functional house.

How irritating it was. Well he did feed her decent meals and it's not like he had chucked her in a hole and made her rub lotion on her skin. So that was something.

Jypsi screwed her face up in thought – she was having a lot of thoughts actually. One struck her the most of all the ones she'd had. Why the bloody hell was she here?! I mean true she was pretty awesome. She was also very well up for a night in a complete made up place which was situated on four elephants atop a great turtle named A'Tuin.

With that thought Miss Jypsi Sparrow got up off the floor and went in search of Mr Teatime. Oh did I mention she had poker?

Jonathan Teatime stood in the middle of a large hall situated a few knobs and tiles from where Jypsi had been kept. He didn't know precisely know why he had taken the girl. It had seemed like a good idea. Although now as he stood reflecting the notion around the shards of his broken mirrored brain it seemed a little stupid. Which annoyed him greatly – he wasn't usually stupid, maybe being stabbed with a poker had made him lose his touch. Damn Susan and Death!

Back in the Roundworld, Quoth the Raven landed outside a chilled window looking into the Sparrow family's living room. This is where Banjo still lay – though Sideney had moved him (with some difficulty and then left the poor man) onto the couch. He tapped his beak sharply against the glass trying to get Banjo's attention. The giant man stirred slightly at the sharp noises and pried open an eye in pain.

"Oo is t'ere?" he said through swollen lips.

"Please open the window ... now," he said quickly still tapping the glass.

Banjo only had enough brain capacity to stare at the talking bird.

* * *

A/N Yeah that was odd but seriously is there any Guild's for the things I mentioned hahaha 


	4. Space

Okay this _thing _started off because A)Jypsi had gone to put her Bunny to bed B) She was taking a long time to do the previously mentioned C) I was in such a state of boredom you couldn't believe and D) It's actually a lot of fun typing on a laptop.

DISCLAIMER – I do not own Jypsi (damn that would be fun) or her house which has been given the luxury of being a two storey for the purpose of this... thing. Oh and yeah I do not any of the Discworld characters mention here after. Though that would be pretty fun too.

A/N Jypsi has started her own version that kinda goes with this in a muddled way and is much more interesting than mine so you should read it! It's called "I'm Incognito".

* * *

Banjo got up cautiously as possible and moved towards the window and opened it. Quoth flew inside and sat on an _ANOTHER_ DVD shelf. 

"What happened _here_, Albert said, "Somting is amiss master, I means what of that here gal?" to Death. Death just shrugged and set off on Binky I mean what gives?" said the raven to Banjo.

He looked very confused as he answered, "Well he wasn't being nice to the girl, Jypsi, she's my friend see – I got her Squish." He smiled to himself thinking of the bunny.

"Squish, what a name," raven mumbled. Banjo frowned at the raven.

"And then he just punched me out – it really hurt. Then I wakes up and they isn't here, so he must have taken her. Bad boy – shouldn't be mean to girls – my mum always said that."

"Who took her then?"

"A monster."

"Does he have a name? Like Voldemort of Dracula? They are typical evil names."

"No, she called him – "Mr 4 o'clock in the afternoon!"

Quoth felt himself get cold. Teatime – that bastard. Without a squawk he flew out the window and in search of Death. This was bad and bad in the most horrible and _BAD _sense of the word.

The art of being sneaky was something Jypsi prided herself on. She could slip in and out of room without being noticed at all. Taking confidence in this she slipped down the hall and closer to Teatime. He didn't seem to notice her as she crept, leaning against the walls more for effect then to be sneaky. Humming in her head the James Bond theme she closed the distance between them and brought the poker up ready to swing.

As she brought it down she watched with intense fear and adrenaline as it went straight through him as though we was a hologram.

He turned and faced her – a charming smile at the ready.

"I think the words, "Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!" apply right about now."

"Oh yes I agree Miss Sparrow!" he giggled.

"How are you to be, I mean how, what and why?!"

'What a story it is. When Susan killed me in all the excitement a certain Death didn't cut me properly. So I wondered aimlessly trying to get of the hell I was in. Being unable to live merely an imprint of a soul I made a deal with a God was able to return with a price." Explained Teatime to a very angry Jypsi.

"What do you mean by a 'price'?" she seethed.

Teatime suddenly lost all of his cheery air and grabbed the collar of her purple PJ top.

"I don't think that is any of your business missy!" he glared, his glass eye twitching slightly.

"Umm I'm Jypsi not Missy!"

Teatime made a angry noise and begun ranting on about that he didn't mean "Missy" whoever the hell that was and that he meant her.

"Gypsi listen I am going to let you leave on the grounds that you do something for me," he said after a few beats of silence.

"Like what? And it's spelt with a J not a G by the way."

"How did you kn- AH! Whatever. I need you to get Death for me."

"WHAT?! Why – Wait I don't care, no way am I doing anything for YOU!"

Teatime looked crestfallen for about a millisecond before perking up once again, "Fine then _you_ don't have to." With that last and slightly eerie remark, dear reader, our heroine was left standing quite alone in the middle o a deserted hall, in the middle of a very quiet town and lastly in the middle of a disc atop a four elephants, situated on one great turtle in the beautiful heaven that is space.

* * *

A/N hehehehehehehehehehe runs 


	5. Touch Of Your Hand

Okay this _thing _started off because A)Jypsi had gone to put her Bunny to bed B) She was taking a long time to do the previously mentioned C) I was in such a state of boredom you couldn't believe and D) It's actually a lot of fun typing on a laptop.

DISCLAIMER – I do not own Jypsi (damn that would be fun) or her house which has been given the luxury of being a two storey for the purpose of this... thing. Oh and yeah I do not any of the Discworld characters mention here after. Though that would be pretty fun too.

A/N Jypsi has started her own version that kinda goes with this in a muddled way and is much more interesting than mine so you should read it! It's called "I'm Incognito".

* * *

Jypsi didn't know what to do as she stood in the horrible hall that wasn't even horrible at all. Just because it was Teatime's hall it was horrid. She was going to be brave right now and protagonists don't usually die at the beginning OR at all usually - though she didn't want to jinx it. She turned on her heel and followed Teatime, her PJ pants whipping about at the speed of her walk. He was further ahead then she thought – she probably shouldn't have dawdled. 

She broke into a light run and caught him by the arm – it was cold, unnaturally cold. It wasn't like cold when you come in from playing out in the winter night – it was an evil cold basically. It seemed to freeze her to the very core existence of her being, making her want to scream in agony. She watched his face brighten and seemed to take a big sip of her pain.

"That was my price," he said quite calmly as she took her hand away.

She didn't quite understand but somewhere deep down she thought she might.

Soaring through the clouds atop of a magnificent white horse rode Death. He slowly began to descend outside a small country town house and hopped gracefully off Binky, the horse. He glided to the front door which was covered in vines of roses and entered. To his left was a small room, which he entered, pulling a lifetimer out of his coat. He looked down upon the small mouse of a man that was Simon Fitzwidget. A retired teacher and now about to end his days from the poison which he had been administered. Death watched silently as the old man slowly stopped moving about as the terrorizing poison seeped through his blood and took over. Then he sat up, now with a blue-ish tinge around the edges and Death pulled his scythe out and hacked him free.

"Oh dear me..." he begun as he looked at Death.

YES INDEED DEAR YOU. I AM LOOKING FOR A GIRL – SHE HAS RED HAIR AND A FUNNY NAME.

"Oh yeah her, he had her kept in the bedroom down the corridor." Said Mr Fitzwidget.

* * *

A/N sorry it's short! .. not that anyone reads this thing haha 


	6. I Hear Voices

Okay this _thing _started off because A)Jypsi had gone to put her Bunny to bed B) She was taking a long time to do the previously mentioned C) I was in such a state of boredom you couldn't believe and D) It's actually a lot of fun typing on a laptop.

DISCLAIMER – I do not own Jypsi (damn that would be fun) or her house which has been given the luxury of being a two storey for the purpose of this... thing. Oh and yeah I do not any of the Discworld characters mention here after. Though that would be pretty fun too.

A/N Jypsi has started her own version that kinda goes with this in a muddled way and is much more interesting than mine so you should read it! It's called "I'm Incognito".

* * *

Death didn't know what Jonathan Teatime was doing and part of him didn't really want to know. Then another part of had a feeling even if he _WAS_ told he probably won't get it anyway. Once Fitzwidget had disappeared, Death promptly moved down the corridor but he paused as he caught site of Teatime talking to Jypsi. He had the strangest feeling of wanting to be bold and daring but then he realised he was made of bones and the notion was stupid anyway. There was just something about the sun shining on her hair that made him want to smile. Holding the scythe tightly he glided over to where the pair were standing. Teatime saw him first and had the upper hand as he grabbed Jypsi's arm and twisted her around, her back and right arm pressed against his torso. 

"Come any closer and I will snap her in half."

Death wasn't sure what to do – the last time he had been in a situation like this it had been Teatime's death. But there was no poker now and no Susan.

"Ooooooh big bad Death doesn't know what to do!" sung Teatime, twisting Jypsi's arm. It was then that out hero, who still had to do a heroic thing, heard a noise. Or to be precise, someone speaking. They had said or rather asked, "Lemon drop?"

And she could hear a tapping sound. It was coming from a air vent. Weird. Well, she thought, atleast he had followed ONE rule of the Antagonist Guid Lines – evil lairs _always_ have air vents.

Though she felt she knew that voice but couldn't quite place it.

Mentally shaking her head she moved back to the present situation. She was being held hostage by a complete nutter while a part of her mind – a very bad part of her mind, thought about something else. Death. Yes she a strange girl but she fancied him. Yeah he was a bunch of bones who spent his time with the dead. But she could makes those bones happy! HAH!

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS TEATIME?

Death couldn't frown but he still managed to pull it off in his own way.

"I was bored and lonely. It really is when your dead and you have nobody to play with. No friends..." he looked down and Jypsi felt his grip slack on her arm.

THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN TAKE PEOPLE AWAY

"It's not very nice I guess," Teatime said but then he perked up, 'Oh well I'm not a nice person then and I like Jypsi – she's fun!"

"Fun? You sick, twisted, little, slime ball!" our protagonist screamed.

It happened very quick. Jypsi had seen Death move for his scythe and she doubled over. He swung it up and brought it through Mr Teatime.

Not even Deaths' scythe worked, once again it went straight though him – not a single mark on his cheerful, smarmy face. If Death could look horrified this would be it.

YOU SHOULD BE DEAD. IT'S THE NORMAL WORLD!

Before she could protest, Jypsi watched as she was thrown to the floor and Teatime went after Death. She also watched as Death disappeared on Binky into the sky, Teatime standing, shaking with joy.

She then witnessed him coming back to her and helping her up. He made a gesture to follow and she did. As she followed she heard again the voices from the vent.

* * *

A/N Lameeeee meh this chapter was kinda just a fill in - wasn't even slightly amusing - oh wellll! 


	7. LOVE!

Okay this _thing _started off because A)Jypsi had gone to put her Bunny to bed B) She was taking a long time to do the previously mentioned C) I was in such a state of boredom you couldn't believe and D) It's actually a lot of fun typing on a laptop.

DISCLAIMER – I do not own Jypsi (damn that would be fun) or her house which has been given the luxury of being a two storey for the purpose of this... thing. Oh and yeah I do not any of the Discworld characters mention here after. Though that would be pretty fun too.

A/N Jypsi has started her own version that kinda goes with this in a muddled way and is much more interesting than mine so you should read it! It's called "I'm Incognito".

* * *

Jypsi stopped; she heard the voice again – much louder. She wasn't hearing things. There was a somebody and very much another somebody in the vents. She heard the very audible sound of somebody trying to thrash another somebody into a million pieces. Then in unison two words, "Uh oh." 

"BANG!"

"CRASH!"

"AHHHHHHH! FUCK IT TO HELL," a girl screamed.

"I WILL SAVE YOU MY ROSE!" a man yelled.

"FUCK OFF!" she girl yelled back.

"THUD," they both went.

Teatime came racing up to stand next to Jypsi – his dagger ready to impale. They both starred at the rubble on what had been 10 seconds earlier, clean white tiles.

She watched as she saw a figure get up and wanted to puke. And she did.

"Oh my, are you okay?" asked Teatime. No, not the Teatime standing next to her with his dagger, the one in front of her that had just got up out of the rubble.

"Errrmmm sorry but um - WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" Jypsi yelled – she certainly had been doing a lot of yelling. She couldn't quite comprehend how there was two of them. Also the one that had just appeared seemed.. well – nice.

"My name is Jonathan Teatime but you can call me Jonathan," he said happily extending a hand. Jypsi took it and shook it quickly – his hand had been warm unlike the other Teatime.

Weirder and Weirder.

"Wait a minute – I heard a girl scream before, is there someone with you?" she asked Jonathan.

"Oh dear!" he exclaimed and dashed over to the pile of rubble, "I'm coming my love!"

He raced over and pulled out a very pissed off Missy.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jypsi asked.

"HEY! You left me on msn, I mean how long does it take to put a bunny to bed?" she answered, "And things happened and then la de da, so here I am!"

Jypsi looked at her friends' see through negligee and the coat she was wearing that was obviously Teatime's.

"What the hell are you wearing woman?" Jypsi asked quite appalled – she thought her PJ's were bad.

Missy shifted angrily, "Well, Prince Charming here didn't let me get changed..." and went off mumbling.

Jonathan looked up happily at Missy. Jypsi had a sense of foreboding while her Teatime looked quite amused.

"You think I'm charming?" Jonathan asked her, his eyes peering into Missy's. She looked like she wanted to eat his face off.

"I was being sarcastic you twat!" she spat at him, though he didn't seem to care. Out of nowhere came music. It was strange – sounded like it was from a Disney movie. Oh, Jypsi thought, it was – ah what was it? The tune of "Let Me Be Your Wings" from Thumbelina. She loved that movie. But why was it playing?

Her stomach dropped all the way to hell. Jonathan had begun to sing to Missy. Oh it was frightening. The other Teatime looked like he wanted to kill himself ten times over.

Jonathan grabbed her friend's hand and begun to sing...

"Let me be your wings!"

"Um you don't have wi-" Missy begun.

"Let me be your only love Let me take you far beyond the stars-"

"You already did that when you brought me here!" she cried as he swung her around.  
"Let me be your wings  
Let me lift you high above  
Everything we're dreaming of will soon be ours  
Anything that you desire  
Anything at all  
Everyday I'll take you higher  
And I'll never let you fall-"

"You just let me fall then, you singing wimp!" Missy yelled trying run free.He pranced around and jumped onto of the rubble- dragging Missy with him. She gave Jypsi a death glare as he picked her bridal style. Haha this ain't so bad, Jyspi laughed to herself.

"Let me be your wings!"

"NO – PUT ME DOWN YOU FREEEEAK-AH!" Missy squealed as Jonathan sung in her ear.

"Leave behind the world you know-"

"Already did that today – DOWN NOW!" Missy pushed against his chest and clawed like the angry teen she was.

"-For another world of wondrous things  
We'll see the universe  
And dance on Saturn's rings  
Fly with me and I will be your wings!  
Anything that you desire  
Anything at all!"

"Okay put me down you 'tard!" still he ignored her and kept on singing while Jypsi laughed herself stupid and Teatime gripped his dagger in humiliation.

"Everyday I'll take you higher  
And I'll never let you fall  
You will be my wings  
You will be my only love  
Get ready for another world of wondrous things"  
He walked over with Missy in his arms and lay her on the floor – her face red with embarrassment, anger and a whole lotta something else.

"We'll see the universe  
And dance on Saturn's rings  
Heaven isn't too far  
Heaven is where you are  
Stay with me and  
Let me be your-"

"I will not be your-" she sung sarcastically.

"Wings!!!!!" he finished – smiling down at her like a love sick teenager.

Jypsi cried out in tears of laughter, Teatime slapped himself in the face and Missy crawled away from Jonathan reaching for the other Teatime's dagger.

* * *

A/N Bahahahah Oh I really like that song – just ruined it for all of us. Btw Thumbelina isn't Disney and the song "Let Me Be Your Wings" belongs to the Don Bluth ... I think haha 


End file.
